Pardon My French

Behind every successful woman there is a man…or two.
A. Nonny Mouse

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Men and women can never be friends, the sex thing always gets in the way.

Billy Crystal, (When Harry Met Sally)

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Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.
Woody Allen

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I can’t get past the fact that food is coming out of my wife’s breasts.  What was once … an entertainment center has now become a juice bar.
Paul Reiser (on breastfeeding)

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Men get laid, but women get screwed.
Quentin Crisp

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I think all guys have doubts about their heterosexuality at some time in their life. Especially the times they’re touching another guy’s penis.
Jim Rosenberg

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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
George Carlin

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Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Emo Phillips

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I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a simple stage direction. My copy of the script clearly said: Enter Juliet from the rear.
Lester Stevens

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Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
Lewis Grizzard

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People come up to me and say, “Did I go to college with you?” I say, “No, I’m Ron Jeremy, you’ve seen me bang a lot of chicks”, and they go, “Oh yeah”.
Ron Jeremy

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The penis mightier than the sword.
Mark Twain

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