Pardon My French

In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.

Marlene Dietrich

DO allow me to spend a couple of minutes getting to know you.

DO tell me what turns you on. I’m not a mind reader… no matter how much I wish I were.

DO tell me if I’m taking your fantasy in a direction you don’t like. If you need every detail to be just what you imagine, you’ll need to share those details with me. When you fantasize it may be about 3 sexy wood nymphs wearing plaid panties while dancing a jig. If that’s important to you and you haven’t told me, I may start talking about 5 water nymphs wearing polka dots doing the Twist. See how disastrous that could be? *grin*

DON’T hang up on me right before you cum. Some people feel guilty about phone sex as if it were a bad thing. I consider it the ultimate in safe sex. If it makes you feel bad, don’t do it. For me these types of disconnects are a bit like reading a wonderful book and finding out someone ripped out the last page. Quite a letdown. I WANT to hear you… I want to know that I “done good.”

DO lighten up. Have fun. This is adult “entertainment”. Be in a good mood, dim the lights, have a drink or two. It’s okay if we laugh a little, cry a little or even discuss our day.

DO feel free to email me or send me an instant message. I will not “cyber” with you, but I love to chat and if you have an elaborate fantasy or just want to make sure I’m knowledgable enough about your particular fetish … by all means, just ask.

DO realize that you can open up to me. You can say things to me that you can’t tell anyone else. I don’t judge…I don’t criticize. I’m here to listen to you. You have my undivided attention. I live alone so you will never hear anyone talking in the background. You will also never hear the t.v. or me typing on my computer. I take all calls in my bedroom with the door shut. Not even those pesky Jehova’s Witnesses can bother us.

DON’T think this is a dating service. I am not going to tell you where I live or give you my personal phone number.

HOW TO HAVE GREAT PHONE SEX, by Abby Licks (Lusting Hearts)

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

Quentin Crisp

I think all guys have doubts about their heterosexuality at some time in their life. Especially the times they’re touching another guy’s penis.

Jim Rosenberg

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

George Carlin

Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Emo Phillips

I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a simple stage direction. My copy of the script clearly said: Enter Juliet from the rear.

Lester Stevens

The drive to propagate our race has also propagated a lot of other things.

Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

I’m suggesting we call sex something else, and it should include everything from kissing to sitting close together.

Shere Hite

Has anybody stopped to marvel, lately, at what a wonderful world it has become for folks with numerically minor fetishes? There’s the internet for finding and meeting (and fucking) kindred souls, there’s a growing “whatever floats your boat” sentiment among civilized people, and there’s a robust world economy for sex toys of every description.

Bacchus (Eros Blog)

Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.

Lewis Grizzard

Women who love women are Lesbians.  Men, because they can only think of women in sexual terms, define Lesbian as sex between women.

Rita Mae Brown